Just recently, I had the honour of being asked to perform my first handfasting ceremony. Handfasting is an ancient tradition thought to have originated in Celtic communities long before we were ‘putting a ring on it’! In its most basic form, it consists of a cord or ribbon being placed or tied around the hands of a couple making a life-commitment to each other, while they make their promises to each other.
It’s a beautiful, meaningful ceremony, full of symbolism and can feel very spiritual when performed with a couple who understand the deep significance of what is happening.
The ceremony I was conducting, was a quiet low-key celebration of the love felt between a special couple who had really supported each other through some very difficult times over the last few years. What made this couple unique for me, was that they were part of a polyamorous family -not something that I had previously had the opportunity to learn about.
As with all the couples I work with, I arranged to meet them beforehand, listened to their story and made sure that I felt like I would be a ‘good fit’ for them. My initial concerns, that a polyamorous relationship would mean that (at least) one person would feel uncomfortable and possibly distressed, were quickly put to rest. Having met the couple and the lady’s husband, along with the wider members of their blended family, I can only describe this as being a happy, healthy, poly family. For them, honesty and clear communication is key, they act ‘as a unit’ in the way they actively support each other -in a way that I am seldom lucky enough to see in the many families that I am privileged to get to know. Love is love, and every relationship that is built on trust, care and mutual respect, deserves to be celebrated.
This ceremony was joyful, relaxed and filled with love. Every person in attendance was there to support them, a heartfelt acknowledgment of the entire family and the love that binds them together.
The couple crafted their own handfasting cord, made from 7 different colours -each strand representing a member of their blended family. The colours they chose held deep symbolism, each one reflecting a quality or intention that mattered to them as a couple. Carefully interwoven into the patterned strands, were charms representing shared interests and experiences -adding yet another layer of meaning to the ritual.
The bride’s husband played a role in the ceremony, showing his support, his presence along with that of their friends and family, reinforced a simple truth -that this family was built on love, honesty and respect.
After the ceremony, I presented the couple with a bespoke glass bauble (made by Ruby Creations), the writing included details that were personal to them, while inside contains seven threads of the same colours used in their cord, all tied together by the all-important eternity knot.
A few days after the handfasting, I received this message from one of their parents, “Hi Maddie, … Thank you so much for the ceremony on Saturday. It was really beautifully done, really special. And Tarnia and Joel were especially blown away by the thought you put into that beautiful gift you gave them. That was totally unexpected and an amazing gift with so much care put into it. If anybody else we know needs a celebrant, we will certainly recommend you!”
After the ceremony, the bride left the kindest words on my Facebook page:
“Our handfasting was an amazing event, thank you so much! The respect shown for our blended polyamorous family was beyond expectations! You made the event joyful, funny, casual, and love-filled! Perfect.”
Her words, reminded me, how important it is to provide inclusive, affirming spaces for ALL relationships, because at the end of the day, love isn’t defined by numbers, it’s defined by the depth of connection we share.
If you are seeking a ceremony that honours your journey -whether polyamorous or otherwise, I would love to help craft something meaningful. Click here
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