Esme Day 27th May 2025

On the 27^th May 2025, I joined with many other local suppliers, children’s entertainers and charities, at The Chester House Estate Northampton, to celebrate and remember Esme Smith, who if she had lived, would have been three years old.

Esme’s parents Carmen and Chris devastatingly lost Esme at birth, in our local hospital. Having gone through their terrible ordeal, Carmen and Chris have made it their mission to start opening-up those difficult conversations around baby and child loss. After all, if this subject wasn’t so taboo, then maybe supportive change would happen more quickly. And change does need to happen! Not only do the way the institutions (such as hospitals) need their infrastructure to change, but the way we respond and support as a community, also needs a seismic shift.

For example, many hospitals do not have a bereavement suite for parents who have just suffered the loss of their much-wanted baby. These parents, who have already gone through so much, must therefore endure their time in hospital amid parents who are able to hold their babies close, before they later take them home. -Can you imagine how much worse the grieving process is made because of this experience? It’s not like mums who have just given birth to a gone-to-soon baby, can just pack their bags and go home, as very often there are medical procedures to still be endured.

Chris and Carmen are striving to ensure that Kettering General Hospital (and all hospitals!) can offer parents small ways of making this most difficult time, just a little more bearable. This can be done in a number of ways; giving parents time they need to say goodbye to their baby (often called a ‘Star Baby’), through the use of ‘cold blankets’ and ‘cold cots’, preserving baby’s body just long enough to make a difference to those parents. By providing specialist beds that enable mum to receive the medical treatment/access tubes and drips, but whilst being able to share the bed with her partner, who might otherwise be forced to sleep in a chair or on the floor.

All the parents who attended Esme Day, who had gone through a similar loss, agreed what a transformative experience it would make to their dreadful loss, if only these (and other) facilities were in place.

But it’s not just practical resources that are needed but knowing where to receive emotional and practical support -for parents -but also the whole family, that is important. After all, how do you tell the ‘big sister’ of a gone-to-soon baby, why their little baby sibling hasn’t come home? How can grandparents support their family -after all, they’ve had their hopes and dreams for their grandchild shattered too.

Luckily there are a wealth of wonderful charities out there, but we all need to know about them, so we can support our friends and family members if they experience a similar loss of their own -and statistics* say that in the UK, 1 in 6 pregnancies end in loss. Some of charities that can help are listed further down.

Esme Day was aimed at raising money to support charities that will help improve outcomes for parents and families who experience baby-loss, but most of all it was a free-to-attend party during half term, for all local families, regardless of whether or not they had experienced baby-loss. And what a party it was, with glitter face tattoos, dancing, performances for children, play dough, and a whole host of child-friendly activities! The MP for Kettering Rosie Wrighting, also came along to Esmé Day, she has recently put a bill to parliament for all new hospitals to be built with a maternity bereavement suite.

The huge total of over £1,100 has been raised for Northamptonshire Health Charity Twinkling Stars Appeal at Esmé Day! (this is the link if you would like to donate) The amount raised, as well as the joyful, meaningful conversations and opportunities for people to come together from the baby loss community, as well as those who have never lost a baby, made the day a meaningful and resounding success. We were all brought together in love and friendship.

My role as Maddie The Happy Celebrant, was to provide parents and wider family members, an opportunity to remember and talk about those babies they had lost. It was a sacred space—one where sorrow was met with a shared understanding, and where the little ones we honour, were held in memory and light.

As an Independent Celebrant I am in a unique position to facilitate a respectful remembering of each soul, my hope was that the ceremony would provide a source of comfort, a moment to remember each Little One who was carried with hope and love, the ones who touched this world for only a moment, and remind everyone that even in loss, love continues. Each of them—each story, each name, each soul—matters. Though their time was brief, their impact is everlasting.

I want to help to break down the silence around baby-loss, and instead to help create a culture of open communication and allow us to talk freely about our gone-too-soon babies. In remembering, we find strength. In community, we find hope.

Charities: