An alternative funeral

*The colour black?

A crematorium, church or other religious building?

A 30-minute send-off that is somehow meant to encapsulate the essence of a person’s life and their achievements?

Awkward hanging around and waiting?

Not knowing how to act and what’s expected of you?

Songs that you don’t know.

I’m here to tell you that there is a quiet revolution of alternative funerals taking place, they are built around each individual’s personality and put together in a way that best represents them! So, whether you are planning ahead for your own funeral or that of a loved one, you might like to consider these ideas:

VENUE:
First of all, the ceremony doesn’t have to take place in a religious building or crematorium, so why not choose somewhere beautiful? What about a converted stone barn, with sparkly lights and a completely different ‘feel’? Many venues that perform weddings, will now accommodate an end-of-life celebration. Or maybe you or your loved one always drank at the same pub every week, or volunteered at a local miniature railway or belonged to a boating club, why not hold the funeral there? Think about choosing a venue that’s relevant and meaningful.

ALL IN ONE PLACE:
Instead of holding a ceremony in one place and the reception in another venue, everything can be done on one location, meaning you and your guests don’t need to keep moving from one space to another.

OFFICIANT:
Think about who you want to lead the ceremony, it could be someone from your circle of family and friends, it could be someone from your place of worship, or it could be someone like me, an Independent Celebrant.

WILL THE COFFIN OR ASHES PRESENT -OR NEITHER:
Would you like the deceased’s coffin to be in the venue with you? Or are you having a cremation and only the ashes will be present? Had you considered having an unattended cremation that takes place at exactly the same time the ceremony takes place in your chosen location? Think about what YOU want.

TRANSPORTATION:
If the coffin (or ashes) will be present during the ceremony, think about how they will be transported to the venue. As surprising as it sounds, it’s perfectly legal to transport a deceased person yourself -obviously this needs to be done respectfully. But it does mean that if the deceased had a love of a particular kind of vehicle -then consider using that mode of transport – you can ask a Funeral Director to help organise this.

MUSIC:
Would you like music during the ceremony? If so, what kind? What kind of music do you or your loved enjoy listening to? Are you part of a community singing group? Do your family members play an instrument? Do you want live musicians, or someone to play the bagpipes? -All these things and more can be included in an alternative funeral.

TIME:
By booking your own venue, you are in control over the length of time you need for the ceremony and any ‘wake’ or refreshments afterwards. This can take a lot of pressure away from the usual ’30 minute-slot’ in a traditional venue (such as a crematorium**) which performs multiple funerals every day.

ADDITIONAL CHARGES:
Crematoriums, will charge a fee for additional elements of a funeral, (such as a photo slideshow) or if there is a recording/live-streaming of the service, or they may be unable to share some tributes if they are certain platforms (i.e. YouTube). A funeral held in an alternative venue, may avoid the need for these charges at all.

CATERING:
it is often possible to get caterers to attend your venue -wherever that is!

ATTIRE:
The clothes that are worn to a typical funeral, often contribute to the ‘tone’ of the ceremony, formal clothing often contributes to attendees not really being sure how to act, (e.g. Is it ok to laugh at a happy memory during the service? Is it ok to touch the coffin? is it ok to cry? Etc) But if you or your Loved One, live in ‘shorts and flipflops’, or ‘trainers and a tracky’, then consider inviting everyone to come dressed informally -in whatever they are comfortable wearing. In my experience, attendees are more relaxed, know how to act and are better equipped to support the bereaved, when they feel more confident.

If this is all sounding exactly right for you, and you wish you could be present at your own funeral -and host your final hoorrah -well actually you can, and I’ll tell you all about Living Funerals (Sometimes called Living Wakes) another time!

**At no point am I suggesting that crematoriums are not ‘the right things to do’, they are absolutely right for some people and situations. My blog today, is simply offering an alternative way to conduct a funeral.